我拚了命地
跑啊追地
到头来
我实现的
是我的梦想
还是别人的期望？
过程中
我所失去的
而今天
我所遗憾的
我已经忘了
是不是我甘心割舍的。
我不问不拿不贪不谈
并不代表
我不想不要不理不需要不计较
只不过我曾经
问了要了说了抢了争取了
你们却说我
不应该
思想逻辑标准，
怎么现在又变了？
我心里会不平衡的。
所以
我必须自私
我不再取悦别人
我不再跟着你们的标准
我不是不懂人情世故
我只是忠于自己的感觉
我不要再委屈自己
我不要再在十年后
懊恼自己重蹈覆辙的愚昧
Monday, March 19, 2012
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
13.12.11
 | |
| pictures edited by cassandra |
The long-awaited proposal was finally fulfilled.
Honestly, I did not expect it to be on this day.
I thought it was only a gathering dinner for his fren's belated birthday celebration,
and a gathering for them to play monopoly.
I enjoyed the night and fellowship.
When he asked me to take-over his place to play the monopoly,
I thought he need to go to the Gents.
Perhaps I was drown in the monopoly board game.
I did notice that he ask Soong to go to the front..
but I did not give much attention to what he was trying to do.
even when Soong came in and tell us that
"Nyap asks u guys to go to the front"
I was still playing with the monopoly,
and only after a while that we move our steps.
When I went to the front,
I saw a fren standing at the main door.
The first thing that came across my mind was..
"Oh my God.... is there anything happened to him?"
Out of a sudden, i saw a bunch of flowers and he appears.
I can't really react at that moment, and my head was blank.
and then, I realize he was trying to make a proposal.
I was a bit shy.
and the next thing was..
"Gosh... I've just took my shower and removed my makeup!"
I always wanted my marriage proposal to be recorded.
So now should I still ask for it to be recorded?
Well, thank God that andrew did record it for us.
the first reaction, the true reaction.
Here's the video link: 13.12.11 - marriage proposal
He knelt on one leg,
with flowers and rings in both his hands.
He wore a custom made t-shirt,
with pink colour words "嫁给我lah..." printed on it.
I was then asked to change the t-shirt that he prepared if I accept his proposal.
He did not say the words out.
but to me, it's better than just saying the words without reducing it into writing
I like things to be in black and white.
so that I will feel more secured.
documentary evidence always have more weight than oral evidence,
ain't it?
Thanks to all the friends who share our happiness
and thanks for the blessings.
and thanks to Cassandra who sincerely share my joy.. and kept shouting
"啊。。。 我很开心哦。。我很开心哦。."
- and , we took many funny pictures after the proposal -
Monday, December 12, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
终究得面对
我终于明白 美好的往往留不下
却能给人 最深最远的影响
你笑容里的暖阳 你说过的每句话
总是 陪着我出门又陪着我回家
很感谢你 给了我好长的依靠
那种甜蜜 不是想要就能得到
我会微笑着退让 全归你的功劳
尽管眼泪不知不觉地流下
我能体谅 你离开我的身旁 超越我的感伤
我能体谅 你要的那个远方 让我追不上
都那么地爱过 有什么不能为 对方着想
就让爱的人也能爱他所爱
也算是幸福吧
因为爱你 我上了最好的一课
原来成长 不只是一味的快乐
你忠于你的选择 要更好的人生
我不能陪你 至少要帮你完成
寂寞不痛 痛在念旧
越小的事 越多的感受
时间像笨小偷 把幸福打破
留下了碎片 让人难过
有些東西終於名正言順的時候，反而失去了意義 ...
小時候拍照片，很喜歡"V"的手勢，傻傻的喊"yeah"，或者搗亂給別人做個兔子耳朵。
大學了，不好意思擺"V"的手勢了，覺得好傻，卻又沒什麼新想法，局促不安不知道手放哪裡好。
於是，懂了，成長，我們要開始戒掉很多習慣，而用來替代一時還沒有找到。
中學下了晚自習，浩浩蕩盪一大群同學結伴騎車回家，聊天，飆車，大喊，為了多鬧一會，繞點遠也甘願。
大學下了課，回寢室的回寢室，忙工作的去忙工作，陪女友的忙著接女友。
笑著罵他們王八蛋。
於是，懂了，嘲笑這個寂寞，嘲笑那個寂寞，其實現在自己才真正經歷著寂寞。
中學的時候很叛逆，遇到挫折，和父母吵架就想離家出走，闖蕩世界。
大學了，遇到委屈，面對不公，就想往家裡跑，躲在媽媽懷裡什麼也不說，拍拍我的背就行。
於是，懂得了，羽翼未豐的翅膀惦記著飛，展翅翱翔了卻惦記著歸。
小時候什麼事都喜歡爭第一：要第一個會寫連筆字，第一個騎自行車上學......
大學後什麼事都喜歡往中間跑：不打頭陣，不拖後腿，穩穩噹噹就好。
於是，懂了，前面爭議大，後面是非多，平衡的地方還是祖宗留下來的中庸。
高中時老師管得嚴，過新年不許送賀卡，說一是浪費錢，二是把那些送賀卡的心思用在學習上。
然後我們就偷偷摸摸的送：裝作不經意的經過，快速把賀卡塞到收信人的桌子裡；或者夾在書里以結束的名義傳遞。人人都成了地下黨。
大學了，經過賣賀卡的攤子，都會停留好一會，看了又看然後走開，不是老師不讓寄，而是不知道給誰寄。
於是，懂了，有些東西終於名正言順的時候，反而失去了意義。
高中寫作文，第一段亮出觀點，第二段用一長一短兩個例子論證，最後一段總結昇華，呼應全文。常常罵高考作文是“新八股”，泯滅創造力，然後偷偷摸摸自娛自樂寫一些個性飛揚的文字。
大學後，沒限制了，憋得臉通紅卻什麼都寫不出來，反倒希望有個範例。
於是，懂了，四處喊著要宣揚個性的，往往是最沒個性的。
高中的時候只能穿校服，走到哪年齡大的就叫我弟弟，年齡小的就叫我哥哥。
大學沒校服，地鐵上半老徐娘都管我叫小伙子，初中生還喊我叔叔，還得硬著頭皮答應。
於是，懂了，實質上，我們早就不是孩子了。
高中的時候能跑能跳都得憋著，能說會唱都得忍著，高考只考語數外史地政理化生。大家都是同一籠包子，看上去一樣。
大學裡，玩的就是素質，有特長就能獨當一面，雖然進來的時候都是包子，但就看哪個包子褶兒多，哪個包子長得像漢堡，拼個性。
於是，懂了，就算自己哪哪都短，關鍵時刻還是得有一特長。
小時候聽過1999年世界末日，驚恐萬分。
現在我還好好的活著。
大學了，2012的傳言四起。想想1999的經歷，我決定等2013太陽的升起。
於是，我懂了，人們總是喜歡自己嚇唬自己，而嚇唬的方式沒有任何新意。
以前開學，自己包書皮，用到期末，每本書封面乾乾淨淨的，裡面卻密密麻麻黑壓壓全是筆記。
大學以後，沒有包過書皮，一個學期下來書沒用幾次，卻把表面弄得又髒又皺，而裡面乾乾淨淨，和新的一樣。
於是，懂得了，對於有表有里的堅持應該學學從前的自己。
以前老師上課板書寫錯了或者講錯了，我們會提醒更正。
大學上課，老師弄錯了，沒人說話，一部分是不敢說，一部分是沒什麼可說，一部分是看笑話，還有一部分是根本不知道講得是什麼。
於是，懂得了，童言無忌，即使沉默的原因有很多。
高中的時候給老師起外號，私下里同學都這麼叫。
大學了，想給老師起外號，卻發現根本不知道老師大號。
於是，懂了，有些幼稚的遊戲，已經玩不下去了。
硬著頭皮進大學學經濟，雖然在別人看來我這個學校的經濟有多麼多麼牛，其實冷暖自知。剛上大學的時候我想出國，成績不行想轉專業，轉專業未果準備考公務員，公務員考試越來越激烈越來越黑於是準備CPA。
開始我想環遊世界，後來想賺大錢，後來想有穩定的工作，再後來希望順利找到好工作。我的夢想在越來越萎縮，卻被認為越來越實際，務實。
於是，我懂了，在現實和夢想之間，我們都是從夢想趨向於現實的以至於越來越偏離，等現實滿足了，再看夢想，已經遠的看不到了。
以前學習，一學期一本書，然後還要好好保管，高考前還要重新看。書裡的內容多年後翻看，還會有回憶。
大學之後，一學期一本書，用過之後就賣掉，想想自己學過的書是什麼樣封面，沒有什麼印象。準備考研重新看的時候，感覺怎麼都是新書。
於是，就懂得了，有時候，重複讓人踏實，新鮮反而讓人無感。
高中的時候熬不住了就想再堅持一下，到時候考個大學上上就得了！
大學了，看著自己的專業，看看以前的同學出國的出國，獎學金的獎學金，然後開始罵自己，當初怎麼不再多堅持一下。
於是，懂得了，人的確有無限的潛力，如果以現狀看從前。
高中時候上課偷摸看個青年文摘、當代歌壇，愜意的不得了。
一邊看著小說，一遍提防著老師，看的也不亦樂乎。
上了大學，偶然一次經過報亭，買了本青年文摘，給了老闆三塊，老闆說三塊五。我問什麼時候漲了得，老闆說漲了有一年多了。我才發現，大學之後，再沒買過青年文摘。
於是，我懂得，是不是有些老友和快樂我們慢慢忘記了？
高中的時候堅持不住了，想想高考之後就解放了，可以不穿校服，可以睡懶覺...苦點也有盼頭。
大學堅持不住了，想想畢業，就想到了找工作。想到了工作，就想到了討老婆，想到討老婆就想到了房子、車子...越想越不敢想。
於是，懂得了，未來不僅是用來嚮往的，也是用來鞭策自己的。
Friday, September 30, 2011
我说--人生
我说:
人生像个陷阱
你一旦出生了
就得一直往前
开心或不开心
都得过每一秒
没得停留
更没得回头
它会让你沉迷在
不喜欢的事物很久
它会让你误以为未来很美
它一直告诉你
你得打好基础努力前进
但它不会告诉你
你会遇到什么困难瓶颈
你会有多少负担
你会失去亲人和快乐
它会让你误以为未来很美
它一直告诉你
你得打好基础努力前进
但它不会告诉你
你会遇到什么困难瓶颈
你会有多少负担
你会失去亲人和快乐
它不让你选择
"不想长大"
也只任你说
"不想长大"
也只任你说
一切已来不及时
能勇敢面对与否
苟且偷生
都得走到尽头.
-ELZY-
Thursday, September 29, 2011
The Dash
came across and read this from a forward email. it's meaningful, especially "For it matter not, how much we own, the cars...the house...the cash.What matters is how we live and love, and how we spend our dash."
The Dash
by Linda Ellis
by Linda Ellis
I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
from the beginning...to the end.
He noted that first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.
For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth
and now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.
For it matter not, how much we own,
the cars...the house...the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard;
are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
that can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
to consider what's true and real
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we've never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect
and more often wear a smile...
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.
So when your eulogy is being read
with your life's actions to rehash,
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent your dash?
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
from the beginning...to the end.
He noted that first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.
For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth
and now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.
For it matter not, how much we own,
the cars...the house...the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard;
are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
that can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
to consider what's true and real
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we've never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect
and more often wear a smile...
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.
So when your eulogy is being read
with your life's actions to rehash,
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent your dash?
People are always asking me what, in particular, inspired me to write this poem. I believe it was a combination of things in my life at the time. It was during a period when I was working for the top executives of a very large and successful corporation. It was a strict company with a tense working environment.
I began to watch how the priorities in many lives there had become misaligned. It seemed to me that the bosses were worrying far too much about that which was inconsequential in the scope of life.
Also, resonating in the back of my mind were the words from a letter which had been previously routed around the office. It had been written by the wife of an employee who was aware that she was dying. I was so moved by that letter that I saved a copy of it and continue to live by her words:
Regrets? I have a few. Too much worrying. I worried about finding the right husband and having children, being on time, being late and so on. It didn't matter. It all works out and it would have worked out without the worries and the tears.
If I would have only known then what I know now. But, I did and so do you. We're all going to die. Stop worrying and start loving and living.
Her words stuck with me. Her letter made me stop and think. This is it. This is all we get.
I remember where I was when I first truly realized the significance of the piece that I had written. I was on a business trip in Minnesota, alone in a hotel room. I received an emotional email thanking me for sharing the message of The Dash from a student who had recently heard it as part of a memorial gathering for the Columbine High School students. I sat on the bed and cried.
Several years later, I found myself engulfed in the thoughts and feelings created by my own words as I listened to them read aloud, for what seemed like the very first time, at the funeral of my father...my best friend. I write this closing exactly one year from that day and never have the words of the poem meant more to me.
From being performed in an elementary school play somewhere in the heartland of America to being part of a State Supreme Court Justice's speech, from being printed in best-selling novels to high school yearbooks, The Dash has truly affected millions. I may not be able to change the world with these words, but I have certainly been able to influence a portion of it! The poem's words have convinced mothers to spend more time with their children, fathers to spend more time at home, and reunited long-lost loved ones.
The words have changed attitudes, and changed the direction of lives. They have, in their own way, made a difference. I know writing The Dash has changed my life. I hope reading it, in some ways, may change yours.
I began to watch how the priorities in many lives there had become misaligned. It seemed to me that the bosses were worrying far too much about that which was inconsequential in the scope of life.
Also, resonating in the back of my mind were the words from a letter which had been previously routed around the office. It had been written by the wife of an employee who was aware that she was dying. I was so moved by that letter that I saved a copy of it and continue to live by her words:
Regrets? I have a few. Too much worrying. I worried about finding the right husband and having children, being on time, being late and so on. It didn't matter. It all works out and it would have worked out without the worries and the tears.
If I would have only known then what I know now. But, I did and so do you. We're all going to die. Stop worrying and start loving and living.
Her words stuck with me. Her letter made me stop and think. This is it. This is all we get.
I remember where I was when I first truly realized the significance of the piece that I had written. I was on a business trip in Minnesota, alone in a hotel room. I received an emotional email thanking me for sharing the message of The Dash from a student who had recently heard it as part of a memorial gathering for the Columbine High School students. I sat on the bed and cried.
Several years later, I found myself engulfed in the thoughts and feelings created by my own words as I listened to them read aloud, for what seemed like the very first time, at the funeral of my father...my best friend. I write this closing exactly one year from that day and never have the words of the poem meant more to me.
From being performed in an elementary school play somewhere in the heartland of America to being part of a State Supreme Court Justice's speech, from being printed in best-selling novels to high school yearbooks, The Dash has truly affected millions. I may not be able to change the world with these words, but I have certainly been able to influence a portion of it! The poem's words have convinced mothers to spend more time with their children, fathers to spend more time at home, and reunited long-lost loved ones.
The words have changed attitudes, and changed the direction of lives. They have, in their own way, made a difference. I know writing The Dash has changed my life. I hope reading it, in some ways, may change yours.
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