24。12。2008， 阴天。
现在在火车上，CARDIFF － READING。在CARDIFF 2天2夜， 和我很要好的朋友－培一起。是我在这假期里至今最开心的日子。在READING，不是很开心，我也不想在这儿多提。希望能把它忘了，不开心的就让它过去，珍惜眼前的每一天。待会儿，就要赶着把留在READING的东西收拾收拾，因为我要赶紧离开那儿，到BRISTOL去。希望在BRISTOL 也能有个愉快的假期。

培有送我一张圣诞卡， “Esther, This is the first time we can play together abroad!! I’m really excited ‘bout it as you’re my best friend!! The 1st time, I can enjoy days with my best friend at here. ^-^. That’s the different feeling, though I know that you would be happier if Nyap were here. But, no worries!! I think the happiness will go to you as your brother will celebrate x’mas with you!! May God Bless you, 圣诞快乐! Friendship Forever!! From Peei, 2008. Wish you Merry Christmas!!”

I really miss you, my dear. I really hope that you are by my side now. Yet, I’m independent enough now. As you know, I don’t use to travel or go out alone, ‘cause I’m afraid of being alone, I scare the feeling of loneliness. But now, I’m used to it. I can go to many places, alone, by myself, without any companion. I’m not sure whether I should be proud of it, but the one thing that I’m sure about is, though u’re not here right now, u’re always in my heart. I’m really glad that I have you, and I love you very much. Never will I wanna be so far from you, anymore. and if you could, promise me that u wont be so far from me anymore.
i love u dearly, Actz.

p/s: 只要心是近的，无论多远的距离， 都是短的

你

让我相信，

除了我爸爸之外，

这世上还有像他一样的好男人。

29 Nov 2008

waking up at 10:30am, i saw msgs which.. i dun really like to read in the morning like this. well, it was settled anyway... went back to sleep, till 12:30pm. I juz love the blanket i use in m'sia. love it so so so much. mayb bcuz there's his odor. i like it very much. give me a peace of mind, i feel secure. :) i love u, my dear.

I made myself English Breakfast, again. i'm kinda addicted to it... :

after tat, watch some drama, and read some articles for juris assignment. I totally have no idea wat's Hart's Concept of Law, and Dworkin's arguments against Hart. I mean.. i'm not interested in it.. why do i have to know? well.. ok... cuz i wanna complete my Law degree.. tat's y i hafta at least... do this assignment, and in order to do it, i need to know. fine.. I STILL HAFTA DO IT.. no matter how.. Stop blaming and get started!!! or i wont be able to present it on the 4th Juris seminar... and this doesn't sounds good at all.

it's Dong Dong's Birthday. and.. we're planning to have our dinner out. Me and Chen Mo, we'd waited for quit a while, until 7:45pm chen mo went to DD and KY's room and found no body thr, we start calling them. Guess where were they.. unsurprisingly, DRINKING.....DD din pick up her call and so, she ask me to call KY. called him twice but nobody answer the call, but he later called me back.

we went for our dinner at about 9pm... can you imagine how hungry am i? hmmmm... the English B.fast with some crackers until 9pm.. Well.. it's ok.. we don't need to walk there, we went there by taxi, and the SPANISH DINNER was EXCELLENT!!

before getting our seat, we hafta wait for 15 minutes, and... they drank again.. haHaha.. non-stop drinking from 5:30pm.. i din drink... cuz.. i wanna eat my dinner. The atmosphere of the place was nice.. oh yea.. the name of the Spanish Restaurant is -- La Tasca. it's near the Newcastle Famous Bridge, a very nice place with high class restaurant and bar around. KY said tat Michael Owen also go to the Bar opposite La Tasca.

well, i'm not gonna say much, let the pics do the talking. :)

we had some dessert as well.. Dark and White chocolate Cheesecake and Orange Sorbet.. I like the Cheesecake soooooooooooo much~~~~~~~~~~~~ orange sorbet was nice either. oh yea.. throughout the dinner, our drink was 2 jugs of Traditional Sangria... it was nice.. (made of fruits, red wine and.. some other liquid.. very nice and sweet).

Thanks Dong Dong for the treat. (in fact, i tot we were to treat the b'day boy a meal.. who knows.. he foot the bill which cost 80.42 quids, thanks. )

after La Tasca, we went to AS YOU LIKE IT, which is a bar near to our house... went there, sit for a while, then we went home. Enjoy the nite alot~ :)

P/S: wish to enjoy the Spanish Dinner with you, Actz. Wish to see you asap, wish to travel around Europe with you... just you..

P/S : I LOVE YOU

there are million billion ppl in this world,

and it's not easy for me to find a man like him,

who loves and cares for me so much...

and i dun wanna lose him...

this is not my first love,

i'd tried diff kind of r'ships

and i dun really need to search around

and try other guys to prove it to myself tat he's the one........
but to make my dreams come true...

there are alternatives.

the connection between one person wif another..

is very chemical..
when u add smthg in,

it reacts differently...
and i'm afraid of adding in the wrong thing..

16 November 2008

This morning, I went to church with Erica and Irene. I met Erica at the library, around 11am. and then, we walk to the Jesmond Parish Church after Irene joined us. The church was... juz like wat we usually saw in those movies, typical English church. And for me, that's interesting!!

In fact, we planned to have a bowl of spicy noodle for our lunch at Curry Capital. If you can finish the bowl, then the food is free! and you can get a certificate for it. However, the shop will only be open at 6:30pm every sunday. So, we went to Lao's buffet.

The Curry Capital

Lau's buffet

after lunch, i went to shop around. bought 3 shirts from H & M... I took 4 shirts to try, and all fits me nicely. However, due to credit limit, i can only buy 3 of them... i din choose the 4th bcuz, it's a sexy pyjamas.. and... i don't really need it... hahaha..... after tat, i walked home.

when i get home, i show my dear all my new clothes thru webcam... and he says i look good in them, but he's worry... hahaha... take it easy, baby... my every beauty is for u, and only you... cuz u deserve it. :) i wanna bring out all the best things within me, and they are ALL for you! :)

my babe sleep at 7am m'sia time. bcuz of me. he wanna make thgs clear, and set out some "rules". and, i guess i'd hurt him. Baby, i'm sorry. But, i really did nth... :)

when we were talking thru skype, he said "i warn you, dun u ever go clubbing anymore. If you wanna be my gf, u better dun let me find out that u do anything that betray me.." at tat moment, i was shocked... why wil he suddenly say such thing..

after my dinner, i came up immediately and wanna talk to him again, but he was on call with his fren... this is d 1st time he choose not to talk wif me, but with his fren. fine. it's ok... but, relating all wat had happened, i doubted.... whether he was angry with me, or he was indeed, talking to a girl.... but i dun thk it will be the second one.. cuz i know he loves me much.

when he ended his conversation with his fren, he talk to me. he asked me to rmb tat, he is my bf. and keep asking me not to hide thgs from him. if he found that out, he will never forgive me. however, if i have any guy tat i like, i can juz tell him. he doesn't care if i have anyone i like or i have another bf, but these can only happen when he's not with me anymore. These harsh words, made me scare... and wonder wat makes him say so... i did nth but only chat wif frens... when i said "okey", he said... "when i saw u say okey, it means a lot to me." Babe, don't be too jumpy, k? and this reaction makes me sad... cuz i felt that you're hurt. my heart bleed, if u are hurt... don't be unhappy... i love you. .

he said he knew tat i have a close guy fren, a guy who can make me smile when we chat... and when i told him tat, yea.. i have a close guy fren... he said.. "now you tell me the truth, and u piss me off." i wanted to explain.. but he say i'm bullshitting... he doesn't wanna listen to me.. however, wif my kind of attitude, i sure will find a way to explain and make it clear, if i'm not guilty. I DID NOTHING AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!

Do you thk tat i can juz forget the things happened between us within these 4 years and start another relationship with another person who i barely know? I'm not such a person. 4 years, it's not a short period of time. and it takes lotsa effort and hard work to maintain this 4-year r'ship. NOT EASY AT ALL. and you should've know tat, you're IRREPLACEABLE. i know i'm kinda bad temper, i'm sorry if sometimes i hurt your feeling, but i will not, never ever ever ever i want to replace you with another person. NO!

what happens within these 4 years, the memories we'd built up for ourselves, it's not tat easy to be forgotten. I'm not having my first love right now. and babe, I want you to know tat, i really don't need to go all around the world, and find other ppl to assure my love for you. I know who is truthful and truly love me much. I do know, and i'm sure that, nobody else tat i want to spend the rest of my life with, other than YOU. what more can I ask, despite to have you in my life, and willing to spend the rest of your life with me, my WINNER...

我看了我们一起拍的照片。

忽然之间，很想让你，

让全世界知道，

我很喜欢你。

我很喜欢我属于你。

我很喜欢我有你。

我很庆幸我是你的，

我属于你。

I just can't believe that

you're seeing me as such a person.
3 years and 9months we've been together,
can't you tell what kind of person I am?

I love you so much,
that I just couldn't,
never ever can I afford the risk of losing you.
and how would I do such thing?

It does matter to me,
the words you'd spoken.
'cuz I just don't want you to view me as such a person!
Can you understand?
It hurts me alot, when you say so.

Our love, and where's you trust?