Through It All

You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
cover me with your hands
and lead me in
your righteousness
i look to you
i wait on you

i'll sing to you Lord,
a hymn of love
for your faithfulness to me
i'm carried in everlasting arms
you'll never let me go
through it all
Hallelujah

My Utmost for His Highest

MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST

-the true and living God
-the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords
-the steadfast loving God
-the provider, the Shepherd
-Jehovah, the lamb upon the cross
that shed His blood for us
-my redeemer



Come Holy Spirit,
falls on me now
I need your anointing
come in your power
I love you Holy Spirit
you're captivating my soul
and everyday
i grow to love you more

I'm reaching for Your heart
you hold my life in Your hands
holding me closer to you
i feel your power renew
nothing compares to this place
where i can see you face to face
I worship you
in spirit and in truth

思念

没有你在身边
和我分享我的喜怒哀乐
一切都变得好象毫无意义
做什么事
都提不起劲儿来


此刻的我
心里
对你的思念
非笔墨能形容


P/S: 真的好想你

PP/S: 想做你不变的情人,
想成为你一生的牵挂.

24 February 2009- Me

downloaded sm 动力火车's song last nite,
cuz i was stil awake at 3 smthg in the morning.

found a new way to draw and have slightly bigger eyes.

first time, i'm satisfy with the side view of my eye...

-talked with Actz for about an hour
-discover something new which is within me, but it's not a news for Actz. he knew it long time ago... lol..

世界唯一的你

是你 一眼我就认出来
这是命运最美丽的安排
是爱 让你略过漫长等待
我们只要现在相爱 幸福就来
恨我来不及参与你的过去
抱歉让你等待
我愿意 付出一切交换
我灵魂的另一半

这个世界唯一的你
是我拥有的奇蹟
对我说的一字一句
都是我们的秘密
紧紧拥抱唯一的你
无可救药的坚定
就算世界与我为敌
我也愿意 我什麽都愿意

看开 过去所有的悲哀
都只是训练我为你 勇敢
真爱 照亮了漆黑的夜晚
寻找了彼此一辈子 再不分开

就算上天下地
我什麽都愿意为你
紧紧拥抱唯一的你
无可救药的坚定
就算世界与我为敌
我也愿意 我什麽都愿意

this song simply reflects
the unspoken words in my heart.
the lyrics, the music...
perfectly matched...
love this song a lot.

listening to this song
and looking at the pic that i love
all i can see
is YOU..

想做你心里的女神.
也想成为你的天使.
这样一来
你才会更珍惜我.

~ ~
. .
.
U

如果单凭说了
"love you forever",
就能够永远和你一起,
爱你直到永远,
我很愿意说一万遍.

但是,
原来我们都还很清醒,
我们都很清醒的享受着彼此给的爱.
我想,
我们都爱得很深,
但却是清醒地爱着.
所以,
我们从来都没有给彼此太遥远的承诺.
情到浓时说的永远
也屈指可数.

你曾在公园
用你的臂力来告诉我
你要爱我80年,
以后还要回去,
再用你的能力
把它加到一万年.
谢谢你.
很高兴是你.

我想,
与其轰轰烈烈地爱一场;
我宁可我们的爱,
我们的关系,
能细水长流.
我享受着这浓而不腻,
长而坚固的爱.

毕竟,
只要彼此都深知
此时此刻,
这爱
每一点一滴的爱
都不是假的.

lurve you berry berry much, my dear.
love you very much...

Random pics of February 2009, NCL

爱情不是婚姻的全部
只是开启结婚大门的一把钥匙
婚姻除了爱情之外
还有信任,了解,
依赖,关怀,无限的牺牲奉献.

爱情可以充满幻想
但是婚姻是一种责任和承诺
需要付出时间
去经营和维持.

-8号当铺-

我想念你,
想念过去,
没有人能把你代替.

was showering just now. dunno y, suddenly i use my fingers to 搓 my body...just the way u always do. and i tot of the time when u help me to do that... u say it can clean all the dirt away. I felt very blissful, when you are doing that to me. I felt that i'm being loved, like a baby. Nobody needs help with showering, and no one will deliberately help another do that, if they do not love the other. well, what i'm trying to say is, i can feel your love. :)
Again, i smiled. baby, you had just planted too much memories in my mind, and that no one else could give me. and i recall the time i helped u to scrub your back, and u helped me to scrubbed mine.


there was once i addicted to scrub (few months before i come to uk), and i want to use the salt to scrub during shower EVERYDAY... cuz it has slimming effect as well. you might not understand why i want to exfoliate my skin that often, but i was just trying to keep my skin as smooth as possible, i want it to be always-ready-to-be-touched, by you. silky smooth... lol, i know i cannot use it that often, but... i was just trying to let u have this mind-set even when i'm not by urside, i.e my gf's skin is smooth.

you had once told me that, the first time you accidentally touched my hand in Jane's car, your first impression was- this girl's skin is very soft. and because of this, i feel proud of it, and i'm glad that you like it. I mean, i'm glad that you noticed that, and you like it. :)


-- went out with alvin, gregory, janet and rachel this afternoon at 2pm, and arrived home at about 10- 11pm.. had our lunch at Nudo, which is a very SUX restaurant-- food are sux and service sux... not gonna go thr anymore. and then, we went to casino, me and janet spent our time sitting there and drank a lot of drinks- orange juice, and choco are the drinks that i drank. oh, before that, i tot we need to pay for juice, so i ordered diet coke, which i did not finish... =.='

8 smthg, we intended to go n sing K, but, it was too expensive, 30GBP per person, so we just take our dinner at SAGAWA (if i pronounce it correctly). after that, me and janet came home while the 3 of them continue their gambling job at Asper again.

the way they spend money, makes me know how rich kids use their money. lol... 700pounds can be just used for gambling... if they are my kids, i guess i'd canned them... oh well... they wont even have the chance to have so much money perhaps.. I WONT ALLOW MY KIDS TO GAMBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(tot of the time you gamble... lol... sitting beside you is happy enuf for me. wahahaha... and the first time i gamble, u were the one who ask me to play with just a few cents, and u gave me all that you'd won... and our fate started since then, i guess...hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe)

I went to St. Andrew Church of Scotland this morning, which is only 2 minutes walk from my house. Noticed about this church few mths ago, and this is the first time i went there. Was attending Jesmond Parish Church previously.

It is a small church, with a small group of elderly. guess i'm the only young adult there. However, they are all friendly, and Margeret, a Singaporean lady came to talk to me after service. She was quite happy when she get to know that i'm from Malaysia, her neighbour-country. Yea...i have the same feeling as well. Somehow, in a foreign country, we will always be glad to see someone who is from our own or neighbour country. She can't speak mandarin, nor can she speak malay. Her husband, Cyril can speak MALAY though! the first thing he said was :"selamat tengah hari!"
i was kinda surprise. He was British Marine, protecting Sabah from Indonesia in the 19xx... which I was not even existed at that time. He told me Sabah was stil North Borneo that time. He'd been to Tawau, KK, Kalabakan, and etc. The church Minister, Dorothy... (the monotone speaker... oopss) was friendly as well.

The message delivered was kinda... i would say, reaffirm my believe. As if God really answering to what i'd told myself.. NO.. i mean.. GOD REALLY answer and affirm me of what i hold on all this while. Never will he leave us alone.

when i was flipping throught the bible, i came across this :
Psalm 77, start from verse 11

I call to mind the deeds of the Lord;
I recall your wonderful acts of old;
I reflect on all your works,
and consider what you have done.
Your way, God, is holy;
What god is as great as our God?



When i recall the mercy and grace of my Almighty God, i just couldn't deny what great things He had done to me, throughout my life till today, and the life of my family members.
what more can i say, other than Thank You, my heavenly father.

Stars of the night is the light that God has put for the darkness he made.
If he is in control even of the darkness, my life is just a tiny little matter for him to take charge of. If problems and hardships that He allows me to encounter, solutions will he give to me. I should really rely on these promises.

the calling of God is so strong lately. mayb there is something great that he's preparing me to go through. I still remember the prophecy of the lady in KK spoke of about me. "Like queen Esther, God wants you to fulfill something as great as he'd put for queen Esther. Read the book of Esther in detail."

"you're kidding me"this was my response. cuz what was in my mind was.. come on, in this era, what queen Esther did, was too great to be fulfilled now.

well, should just let the Lord to take over every deeds and thoughts of mine.

11 flowers = 一生一世
1 Heart = 一心一意
(this is what Actz gave me on V-Day 2009) :)
dunno why.. i'm satisfied with it.
lol...
felt touched
mayb bcuz he never say this to me?
or i dun rmb he has said it before.
but
at that very moment,
i was very very happy.
that's y i cropped it down,
i wanna rmb it.

been talking about my future "RESTAURANT" with Actz on our 4th Anniversary = 13 Feb 2009
Decided to write a proposal for this restaurant after my exam.
A proposal.... lol.. i'll try my best. I WANT TO OPEN THIS RESTAURANT WITHIN THIS 5 YEARS!

CLP- yea... i want... but that's not wat i like to be...
AJ Shop -- yea.. this is what i want and what i like...
Restaurant--- i'd even come out with my signature dish and designs... THIS IS WHAT I LIKE AND WHAT I WANNA FULFILL!!

i hope dad n mom wont be too disappointed... but well, if it is possible, CLP and the Restaurant... i will try to achieve both.

Decided not to work on tonight, V-Day.
been feelin upset with.. whatever it may be... everythign about this job. dunno why.
Perhaps, if 1 never studies about business managament, they can't manage a biz well.
smmore, when they have a low EQ part-time worker like me... =.='

Discussed about this with Amos, i plan to go to Hull during easter, maybe i can work there, for a month..
this job is perhaps, affecting my mood to attend lectures, which my purpose to be in UK is to complete my studies, not working. thinking of giving up working, until easter. wanna concentrate on COMPANY LAW and EU LAW... oh well... TRUST as well...
other than these, CHURCH!!!!! had not been attending church for weeks... cuz after working on saturday night, it makes me very tired and feel like wanna sleep til the next afternoon.
IF giving up this work could save my academic and my r'ship with God, it worth more than anything else.

NEEDS vs WANTS
i need to make a very clear distinction between them.
i can't afford to fail my year 3.. i need to pass it.
I need to go to church.
money.. is what i want, in order to go on vacation when Actz come.


well.. all these are not important though..
holding on what God has promised.

Psalm 23

The Lord in my shepherd.
I shall NOT be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quite waters,
he restores my soul.

He guides me in righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.


You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup OVERFLOWS.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.


I was too jumpy for whatever things that might happened. whatever it may be, i always use my own effort to solve it, always forgot to rely on the Almighty God. However, he is always there, always solve my problems. things are good, cuz they are all in the hand of God. If he allows it to happen on me, he will surely guide me through it.

Did he ever forsake me? No.. without any doubt. it was me who always doubted His mercy and grace, but He never turn His face away from me.

The True and Living God, i am fearful of You. I adore you.

Amen.

I was doing my Company Law seminar exercise. Suddenly, i tot of the time when i was stil studying in HELP. everyday after class, either u who wait for me, or i'll wait for you, until we both finish our classes of the day. after that, we might be going home, or we'll be going to Midvalley, 1u, or KL... i miss those time. :)

Particularly, i tot of Sg. Wang 6th floor's porridge. i dunno why. haha.. to get there, we need to wait for U82, and then take monorail to Bukit Bintang. We, or perhaps i'm the one who was so stubborn at first, to insist saving the few cents... after a few mths living there, we gave up this practise, since we no longer wanna watch movie at Timesquare. I love watching movie at PAVILION... i can eat cheesecake, we can go to the supermarket at the ground floor to buy some drinks.. wahaha.. it was so happy..
until a few mths, or dunno since when, i dun really rmb, before i come to UK, we gave up waiting buses and monorail.. hahaha.. we just take a cab to get to pavilion.. lol... YOU LOVE ME SO MUCH.... that you don't wan me to walk so much since i love wearing high heels... this is what i believe... am i right, my dear? :)

You love going to NIKE shop, and the... shop.. at BB plaza that 1.. i forgot wat is the name of the shop.. i love accompanying you to those shops... thou sometimes i might just sit there, or sometimes, i might found some new things of AJ and show it to you.. (i rmb that i found the pair of AJ sandals............ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............i recall the name ridi.. is Al-Ikhsan, rite? i'm so smart.. haha... ) after shopping at KL, we will go to Mama's Kitchen to have our favourite dishes--- 奶油鸡, 清炒芥兰 (these are the must-call-dish) and another dish of our choise-of-the-day. :)

(more memories comes across my mind now)

movies at Midvalley... I love it as well... cuz after that, i can go to my favourite shopping place-JUSCO!!!!! I can buy alot of food.... It's such a blissful thing/ task perhaps, to think of something and cook for you. I'll be very very very happy, when u love the dish i cook.. new things, i love to try... and you are my guineapig... hehehe... but you'll stil praise that it's very nice... and the only one time i rmb that you gave a negative comment, was the mihun i cook for myself when u were sick... u said it was too salty... hehe.. i rmb it til now.. sorry... i dun purposely keep it in heart but, it just doesn't leave my mind.. :)
Metrojaya... you bought me the Guess high heels as 2008's X'mas present... you like to ask me to see those Guess bags... i know you are afraid that i'll be bore when going out wif you while you go and look at ur Nike and Adidas... :) you're cute, dear...
I stil rmb tat i sweared, not to go to Midvalley's Secret Recipe... haha... bcuz of the poor customer service.. SUXXXXXXXXXXX!!!
Jusco's egg tart... i miss it. so nice.

鼎泰丰-a place we went for brunch, few days before i leave to uk. (I rmb tat i was in a very very bad mood, cuz my mom wants me to go to uk once i get my visa, and i knew tat, she was very very hurt cuz she'd put in lotsa effort to try to contact and do lotsa things, so that i'll be able to come to NCL as scheduled. Once again, I hurt my mom, deeply. I felt very guilty. i knew that what she was trying to do, was, and is for my own good. she's just doing her part, but i disappointed her. Stil, she always forgive me, and love me dearly. I love you, and i'm very sorry, mom.. love you so much. )
when my porkchop egg fried rice arrive, i just keep on filling up my mouth with loads and loads of rice. i was crying. and u said ur heart was pain when u saw me eating in that way. Other than my family, dear, i guess you are the first one whose heart will feel pain when i'm sad. you sent my mom a msg, asking her not to force me. I know u were doing it because u were trying to protect me, and i appreciate it alot. just like my daddy, a gentleman like him, rarely shout or scold us, will beat another who was trying to bully my mom in order to protect her.
My daddy is the best! Best-est man ever, is my daddy! 嫖赌酗and xxx.. he is always a good example. mom told me that, when i was young, i'd once said that i wanna get a husband who is like my daddy. cuz daddy is the best. He protects us, he protects mom, he protects our family. and so do you. thanks dear.

One Utama... we went there for mid-nite movies.... not really mid-nite.. nite time movie.. it was fun to watch movie at nite, with you. I rmb that there was once, after we finish the movie, it was about 12am, and all the shops were closed... kinda scary, cuz..i imagined that those shops, those things.... nah... but u were there with me, nothing to be scare about...
For me, you are very brave. you even dare to stay and sleep at home alone- Bravest thing i can ever imagine.. cuz i really cannot sleep at home alone.. NEVER EVER, for me.
Jusco and Giant, my favourite place to shop for groceries.. :) Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays are even better.. cuz there'll be tester... hehehe
-i miss the egg tarts as well, and Big Apple's doughnuts, BBQ Plaza, Roti Man, and the restaurant with many magazines, you love the Beef Kuew Teow, and i love waffle world's 4-6pm high-tea menu, which is no longer available.

these memories are so sweet and happy. and i believe, we will soon be happier than that.. will we? hehe..muackz
p/s: i tot of A-level time. i was angry with you, and i walked home by myself, refuse to talk to you, n dun wanna get in to your car. and you just followed behind me, til i get home, and you walked back to get the car and come back to my house, wait me outside my house. I was very very angry with you i guess, or i wont leave you outside.

seriously, i didnt know tat u followed me till home. i really didn't notice about that... i just walk, walk walk walk and walk... i get to know that, until my mom told me. when i asked you why do you wanna go back to get the car, you said :' 我看到天空很暗,好象快要下雨了.我怕等下你不知可以怎样回学校,所以就回去把车驾来." i was very touched, honestly. cuz wat was in your mind, what you tried to do, was for me. and babe, i appreciate it alot.

How am i gonna live, if living is without you...

好想嫁

真的很想快点可以嫁人.
不时看到听到身边认识的人都家了,有了自己的家庭.
惨了, 今年22岁的我,真的老了吗?
怎么一天到晚都想嫁..
"恨嫁"两个字好象都已经从心里,到口里,现在已经跑到脸上来了.

对象,我有了...是你...
但是,对你而言,近几年都不是适当的时机...
除了等你准备好,我也不能怎样,对吧?
22岁了.............................................
我22岁了................................................
好像没有想过我会是一个22岁的人.

一个22岁的人,应该要有什么作为呢??????
我不懂.... 我现在只想嫁人......
哎哟.... 看看自己的脸.....怎么会有眼袋呢???
我老了........................
小时候,我想快点看到16岁的自己,到了16岁,想看18岁的自己.
18岁了,想看看21岁的自己.

到了21岁,我竟然以不想再继续看以后的自己了....
所以,没想过自己会到22岁这个年龄层.

22岁了,要做什么事情都合法了,而我什么都做过了吧.....
16岁才合法的;18岁才合法的;21岁才合法的.....
我已是个成年人了....
目前为止, 只差还没投过票..
明年如果我已不是个学生,那我就必须尽我做马来西亚公民的责任,去投票了....

庆幸的是, 我有你....
22岁的我,已经有了和我一起4 年了的你....
我不是愁没得嫁,只是急性子的我等得坐立不安了.... HAHAHAHAHA...

有时候很矛盾...
因为,想象要自己的婚礼是很豪华,很华丽,很高级...
我要成为你漂亮,性感,高贵,大方的新娘.....
我要穿自己已经想好的婚莎--bareback, deep V....
我要穿自己已经想好的dinner gown
在婚前一个月,我要勤做FACIAL, SPA,HAIR...
总而言之,我要做你美丽性感的新娘...
我要你的朋友们都羡慕你能有一个"出得厅堂,入得厨房"的太太...
WAHAHAHAHAHAHA...
但是,要豪华高级----需要钱...
要美丽性感----需要本钱, i.e.--青春,年轻.
什么都要CAPITAL就对了... =.='

我等你----3年-----太久了吧... :( ...哎哟,随便啦....
管你有钱没钱的... 我要嫁的就是你....

my second favourite... hehehe..

family photo

this is the pic i like the most among the rest

今天很累很累.

早上10:30 起床.一直在找你又找不到.害我担心很久... 找了整两个小时...去到学校你才打来. =.='
本来答应叫我起床又没叫,应该知道今天你的鞋会到,会在家等我SHOW 给你看. 因为你很少酱没有交代,所以我担心你有什么事. 直到你打回给我才安心.

回家后看到两盒鞋在,我放心了. 因为我一等, 等到12:30pm 才去学校. 想好好让你看你的鞋, 那笨蛋LINE 或着电脑, LAG到爆．　＝．＝＇　气死我．

今天煮了猪软骨汤．煮到很软，像ＪＥＬＬＹ酱, 我超喜欢吃... WAHAHAHA.. 很想让你喝, 你应该回喜欢, 应为是想我平时煮的汤酱... HEHEHEHE

晚上做工,忙到爆... 笨担他们,只有两个人做工哇.... 神经病!!! 累坏我了!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HISH!!!!!

random pics of January 2009, Newcastle

Roof with loads of snow, since the nite before.

Heavy Snow
Heavy Snow on 2Jan 2009, 3pm

the rice

the full set of brunch, before amos goes back to hull on 30Jan2009, came on 28Jan209

焖排骨-AMOS

腊肠水蒸蛋-AMOS

真善美-牛腩汤面

真善美-猪扒汤面+热柠茶

My 12 Doughnuts- 7GBP

Krispy Kream

Chinese Carrot Cake

Fen Si with Spam

after work

a Friday morning in January

在清醒的时候哭,
并不是最辛苦的.
在凌晨从恶梦中哭醒,
在梦中哭的时候,
才是最难受的.


哭醒了,
满脸是泪水,
若身边没你,
那种空虚的感觉,
非常恐怖.

在你面前,我可以放下一直假装勇敢的武装,不必掩饰自己内心的害怕和渴望被保护的自己.
因为你,能纵容我的任性,我的霸道.
当我在为自己或别人打抱不平的时候,别人眼中的我,或许是个敢作敢为,什么都不怕的人.
当我大声说话,甚至和别人吵架时, 那是因为我要掩饰心里的害怕和伤心.
这, 如果你不懂我,那又会有谁能理解呢?

the so-called "manager"..( who will not be responsible when there's problem, and will only be the manager when nth happens) just pass by the tables for a while, again, say tat "老板请你来不是叫你站在那里而已。收下东西啦！"
well, this statement is totally wrong. or i should say, i have a strong argument against this statement.
1. as what i'd said yesterday, IF i did nothing but only stand there, i wont be so tired after work.
2. if I did nothing but just standing at there, if i am so useless and unhelpful, why don't the boss ask me to go home early like the few others?
3. she just pass by there 1 minutes out of the 5 working hours of mine, and she can conclude that i did nothing but standing at there.
4. if she is so so so clever, she should have known that the fucking small corridor just couldn't let so many ppl walk through at one time.
5. if i'm so useless for the restaurant and did nothing but just standing at there, well... i don't think the others can always finish with the setting up of table in such a short time.

So slut... if you don't have anything to talk to me when u see me, you can just shut your fucking smelly mouth up, rather than barking non-sense and deconstructive words.
cuz i swear, the third time u make this kind of statement, i'll ask the boss, in front of you, whether i really have no contribution at all. if that's the case, i swear, i'll tell the boss i wont work anymore cuz i don't wanna waste the restaurant's money. and i'm not such a bastard who only stands there during work and just take the money everyweek.

So far, i can speak with full confidence and without any guilty, that I AM A GOOD WORKER. :)
i think God is proud of me for this. cuz i wasn't a lazy worker. i did my best, i've done my part.

即使机会只有一半；我也会尽我所能，全力以赴。

was criticized by others: not being aggressive.
well, i know i'd done my best. if i walk fast, how am i suppose to look around and see whether there are plates to be collected? as if i'm shopping? perhaps, yea.. mayb i look like a shopaholic, so what? hahaha.. that's not my prob... i'm borned to look like this.. :)

to replace me? well.. if i am to be replaced, then, i should be. if i'm irreplaceable, who can take my place, rite? mayb i'm just, i mean.. i simply not borned for doing these. :)

IF....being so so so exhausted after work doesn't mean that i'd done my part well n good enuf, what more can i say? as long as i'd tried my best, done my part, i can face myself. God can see what human beings couldn't. HE knows my ability, HE destined my talent, as well as my future. there shall be nothing to be worried about. Amen. :)

P/S: this is just a way, or perhaps, this should be the way to look at negative comments from others. i hope i did it right. rather than being not happy for the rest of the time, i chose a way which can makes me feel better.. no...i mean, to feel GOOD. :) shouldn't have always be sad or feel bad of what people say.
- the evil make up words, the fool multiplies words.